Dust and Spiderwebs

Well, it's spring break. Apparently, every professor doesn't give a shit about that and loads us all up with projects but that's beside the point. When I hear the word "break," I think of sleeping in until noon, reading, and catching up on all the work that I have yet to accomplish. My parental units, however, hear it and scream, "THE SLAVE IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!" Not really, but I just completed the arduous task of cleaning out my walk-in closet. What was once a shrine a to a fabulous shoe and book collection is now going to play host to my mother's sewing shit. No, I'm none too pleased about it.

However, as I was digging around amongst the filth of age and the dust of neglect, I came across a red box. A shiny red box. That had hearts all over it. Oh shit, I immediately thought and tried to hide it from my mother.

Mother: "What's that?"

Me: "It's nothing."

Mother: "'To Michelle, Love Owen.' Oh my God, how old is that?"

Me: "It was from Valentine's Day, 2007. So five years old. Holy hell..."

I started rifling through it feverishly. The contents of the red box, which once held a small box of chocolates and Bath and Body Works's Exotic Coconut Body Spray and Lotion (the gentleman in question arrived on my doorstep late Valentine's Day evening with a bouquet of a dozen pink roses and this gift. I was wearing black sweatpants, a pink t-shirt, and wet hair, for I had just come home from swim practice), were now as follows: the card received that night (a kitten on the front with the text, "Wild...you are so fun to be with" and on the inside sang "Wild Thing" by Chip Taylor with the text "I can't keep my paws to myself. Happy Valentine's Day." He had written, in very small, engineer-esque scrawl, "I didn't think it was too suggestive. <3 Owen (Wild...sigh)"), movie ticket stubs of most of the movies we went to on dates (he was the projectionist at the movie theater down the road from me and got two tickets for free every weekend), his senior portrait, two of our prom pictures, and the Reasons He Loved Me, aka his 17th birthday present to me.

This is almost too gross to write. Yes, at one time, the romance and passion of The Princess Bride could move me to tears and this sort of sentimentality seemed beautiful to me. Now, I have to wonder what possessed me to keep this garbage. Curiosity compelled me to look at those reasons, though. Here they are:

[Note: the bold is the original text. What's not bolded is my sarcasm.]

This is what you asked for. Hope you enjoy. To be fair, this is what I said I wanted. I didn't demand it; in fact, I didn't actually think he'd go for it. We were retarded and decided to keep an LDR going while he started his freshman year at VT and I finished up my senior year of high school. I didn't want him to break the bank at all, and how many eighteen year old males are going to be this sentimental?

1. A girl is interested in me? Why do guys do this? Seriously, he was pretty handsome, like Viggo Mortensen. But, I was his second girlfriend and the first girl he ever French-kissed. So perhaps his self-esteem needed a bit of a boost. Who knows?
2. And she's hot? Well, I'm certainly not going to argue.
3. She's not opposed to watching non-chick flicks. Still true.
4. She likes the Beatles. Who the fuck doesn't like the Beatles?
5. She'll go to a metal show with me. Oh God...yeah ok so he decided to take me to see Mastodon live at the 930 Club. It was...an eye-opening experience.
6. The thing is, she doesn't like metal. It's grown on me very very slowly.
7. Oh yeah, she's not needy or whiny or clingy or a bitch. Doesn't every girl want to hear that?
8. She doesn't hate (all) my friends =) Actually, his best friend from high school, WestPointer, and I still chat.
9. She doesn't demand I spend money on her. I still am uncomfortable with men spending money on me.
10. She gives my stupid habits a chance. Um...trying to remember what his stupid habits were...and I don't think he would have listed "going to church all the time" as a "stupid habit."
11. She's not a control freak. Not about boys and their comings and goings, no. Just about the things I need to take care of and shit like that. I really and truly couldn't care less about the person who calls me their SF. They just have to understand that at any important function that requires me to have an escort, they are said escort.
12. She's open to new ideas (Planet Terror, Blind Guardian. Those are just a few.). Well, I watched the movie and I have the vast majority of the latter's discography. So, whatever, I'll take it.
13. She sat down and watched EVIL DEAD! I did, and didn't say a damn thing. He had this Army of Darkness shirt that irritated the hell out of me because the movie is straight-up dogshit. Men everywhere worship Bruce Campbell; it's probably because of that outrageous chin.
14. She's very atypical. I guess I still am?
15. When I had to go, she let me go. This could be taken two ways: either the sweet way or the gross way. The gross way is letting a guy drop a deuce in my place of dwelling, a cardinal sin to break in my book. The sweet way is what he intended: he had to leave for college and I understood and said "Goodbye."

love you

Owen

Well...back in the box and back in the closet with this crap.

~M