Lists I have made at work

When you are the self-checkout attendant at a respected grocery store like myself, you tend to do things in your boredom at 10 PM that don't disturb the 5 customers buying beer. I created a book of lists and, much like this video (I love Jenna Marbles, btw),

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKIAbueB9sM&feature=related

I decided to write a short, incomplete list of the people that I would not say no to having an hour, or eight, of pleasantries with them. Pleasantries means...sex

ANYWAY, here we go.

• That guy from White Collar, aka Matt Bomer
• Andy Whitfield
• Danny Coale
• James and Oliver Phelps at the same time
• Sean Patrick Flanery
• Matt Damon
• The delicious piece of chocolate that is The Old Spice Guy, even though I not-so-secretly think black guy's junk looks fake (it's SO SHINY)
• Sean Biggerstaff (ironic name)
• Pierce Brosnan
  
• Silas from Weeds. Uncle Andy if he got me incredibly incapacitated with his romanticism
• Josh Groban only after he sang to me in French, because French is the language of sex. Italian is tied for second place with Spanish
• Deryck Whibley from Sum 41. Need I say more?
• Hugh Jackman
• Hugh Dancy
• James Marsden
• Katy Perry. Russel Brand can watch and only hop in after 30 minutes.
  
• Stephen Colbert
• Neil Patrick Harris, regardless of him being gay with a married partner and a daddy. He's fucking awesome.
• ANY of the US Navy Blue Angels
• Nigel Barker
• Gordon Ramsay, only after he made a beef wellington for me and screamed in that delightful Scottish accent at a bunch of ignorant bitches
• Ryan Lochte, whom I have met and have a signed photo of him. Be jealous
  
• Raphael Nadal
• Jonathan Rhys Meyers
• Henry Cavill
• Daniel Craig
• Eric Bana
• Kellan Lutz, only after I've tied him up and he promises to not say a goddamn word about Twilight
• Channing Tatum
• Christian Bale
• Tom Wisdom, the young guy in 300
• Jesse Spencer

Like I said, a short list. Everyone has lists like these. You know it's so true. Here's another fun one: these are some of the things I go bat-shit crazy for, again in no particular order:

• Baby seals
• Reality TV marathons, particularly Hell's Kitchen and ANTM
• Private Selection Italian Cafe TIra Misu Ice Cream
• Hokie football
• That first sunburn that totally turns into a tan
• New textbooks
• Kissing
• Jewelry
• Boys making dinner
• Bull and Bones Cheese Fries
• Champagne
• A really long, awesome, slightly sweaty bout of sex. The kind where after several orgasms, you high-five each other and say "SHOWER!!!"
• Husky and Labrador puppies
• Skinny dipping
• Writing checks with fancy pens
• Scaring freshmen by existing and knowing what's up
• New sundresses
• Getting complimented in said sundresses
• Steak, calamari, lobster rolls, crab legs, swordfish, chardonnay, etc.
• Lord of the Rings
• ANYTHING by Kate Spade
• Trashy, smutty romance novels
• Tasty drinks with rum
• Sam Adams Summer Ale
• Glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars
• New pens on fresh new paper
• The roar of an engine, especially from a Corvette or a motorcycle
• That feeling right after you've shaved your legs, aka dolphin skin
  

Being a cashier is a shit job. We have to make it this entertaining.

XOXO
~M