A Step Back

As the new school year starts, I felt the need to step back and reorganize my thoughts, specifically in the form of a series of arbitrary lists.

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People, Who Are Kept Anonymous:

1. Learn to smile more often. You're so beautiful when you smile.
2. I cannot trust you anymore and that breaks my heart.
3. I miss you more than I can describe, which sucks because I'm supposed to be a writer and have the ability to verbalize my emotions.
4. I pretty much depend on you. Don't ever let me me down, please.
5. Goddamn, you annoy me. You don't even know how much you annoy me. Please improve yourself.
6. Don't be scared to ask for anything. Life's too hard to handle it alone.
7. Stop taking things so seriously.
8. Work harder. Things aren't given to you, you give them to yourself.
9. I can't help but continue to be beguiled by your presence and it's rather troublesome.
10. Why are you still here? Seriously, why?

Nine Random Things About Myself:

1. I finally have discovered what I want in life and will do whatever it takes to get it.
2. My temper is quite short and I aim below the belt. Rarely am I sympathetic about it.
3. I want to expose myself to many styles of writing and literature.
4. I want to learn ballroom and swing dancing, jazz trumpet, string bass, how to execute 1-tempi flying changes, have a stable, passionate relationship, and French braid my own hair.
5. I scare really easily. By that, I mean the whole surprise, make-me-jump kind of scare.
6. My family and friends mean the world to me. They can annoy me at times, but I love them completely and will do anything for them.
7. Grammatical errors irritate the hell out of me. Spelling errors not so much.
8. I like jewelry a lot and I am pretty shameless about my love for jewelry. I'm not like Elizabeth Taylor, but when I go to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History and see the jewels, I drool a little bit.
9. I love the rain. And thunderstorms.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:

1. I like surprises. A lot. Even if it's small. Like, "Hey, I knew you would be here and just wanted to kiss your cheek" or something. I know, it's rather shameful that I like the cutesy shit but dammit I miss that.
2. Play with my hair. I've threatened, and greatly desired, to completely shave it off because it's such a nuisance. Apparently, my father and several of my friends would murder me if I did, so I guess I won't. But seriously, appreciate the maintenance I put it through, little though it is, and lightly scratch my scalp. It feels wonderful.
3. Be ready to play with animals. I was raised in a household full of pets and love all animals, save for FUCKING SPIDERS.
4. Also, be ready to kill the spiders on walls. I am terrified of spiders to the point of immobility. It's just sad.
5. Be confident, decisive, diligent, and respectful. Respect the fact that I need space sometimes but also that I like a fair amount of shared time. I love cuddling and just being together, but there are times where I really need to just be alone, sometimes for a long time.
6. Appreciate music, especially the fact that I am a musician myself. You may not play the French horn, but I do and it has been an integral part of my life.
7. A fair amount of classic cultural affluence will go a very long way with me. I love the arts, and I feel that they should be respected. Reading many books is important.
8. Hold me against your heart when I have nightmares. I find it's somehow the safest place.

Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot:

1. I'm quite parched
2. He's cute
3. Oh my fucking God stop talking
4. Slow people need to move out of my way
5. That would be funny to write about
6. My hair's a disaster
7. I'm awesome

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:

1. Prep for the next day
2. Wash my face
3. Check email one last time
4. Pee
5. Brush and floss teeth
6. Fluff pillows

Five People Who Mean A Lot To Me, In No Particular Order:

1. Mom
2. My little sister
3. Dad
4. Grandpa
5. Five friends who know who they are

Four Things I'm Wearing Right Now:

1. Peace-sign bra
2. Matching boy shorts
3. White cami
4. Pajama Pants

Three Songs I Listen To Often:

1. Anything by: The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Queen, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, etc.
2. Spa music to relax
3. Boccherini's String Quintet in E Major Op. 13/5 - Minuet in A Major

Two Things I Want to Accomplish Before I Die:
1. Publish a bestselling novel
2. Live in New York City and be totally awesome and fabulous

One Confession:

1. I never thought a person would come along in my life that forever change my perception of the human experience, melodramatic though that sounds. That person has come along and I cannot forget them, even though the healthy and smart thing to do would be to cut them out of my life. I'm too stubborn to so, which is illogical and frustrating.

Well, that seemed to help a little bit.

XOXO,
~M

Suspicions Part Two

So I stopped speaking to Mr. Clingy over two weeks ago, thinking my silence would pretty much give him the signal to Back The Fuck Off. Guess who should decide to tell me that he wants to "make [me] scream and beg for more"? I mean, really. I ignore the guy for more than 14 days and this is how he decides to try and rekindle any feelings I might have had for him (there was none to begin with)? A "Hello! How are you?" would have been far more welcome. I probably wouldn't have appreciated it but at least it would have only slightly irritated me and not completely disgust me. And I seriously do not want to be a complete bitch and tell him "Seriously, leave me alone. I don't want to even entertain the thought of dating you, let alone be seen in public with you." Even though, yes it's cold, that's how I feel.

He's not bad, he's just overbearing. Actually, no he's bad. Like I said, wouldn't even consider him. Overbearing, interrogative, overtly clingy (hence the name), and of course not easy on the eyes can make any guy undatable. Or undateable. Either way it's coming up as not a word in the English language and while grammatical errors make me cry on the inside, I'll just move on.

Anyway, I think this leaves something to be said about this generation. Now, I know that we as Millenials constantly hear our parents and grandparents grumble about the destruction of society these days, saying that the cell phones cause cancer and that little girls are becoming "Prostitots", but their message about the death of manners has some merit.

Case in point: before the invention of the text message, a man had to work a bit to make a woman comfortable enough before he just simply ask "Wanna fuck?" Not to say that the text message was the cause of the end to propriety, but it certainly seems a lot less harmless to text and send the words rather than to utter the words yourself. And while that's all well and good, there's still a question of timing. Actually, it's really not a question: a safe bet is to not propose bedroom activities immediately via text. Calling, maybe. At a party or over drinks, it's an even safer bet. But over a text message? Really, how lazy have we become?

Honestly, the only time it's really appropriate to "sext" someone is if you've already crossed into the carnal world and want to give off that whole I-need-you-right-now-but-I-can't-because-I'm-at-work-or-in-a-meeting thing, which can sometimes be very hot; note that I say "sometimes". And while I can grow to loathe the pithy dialogue one has to go through before hopping into bed, it's still necessary. I mean, you should try to at least know the person's name (so you say the right one during orgasm, fake or otherwise. Priorities, you know). It certainly come across as boorish and in fact creepy to just sext out of the blue.

So please, let's all agree to postpone the sext for awhile. At the very least, wait until you've met the person. It only alleviates the trashiness just slightly.

XOXO
~M