A Step Back

As the new school year starts, I felt the need to step back and reorganize my thoughts, specifically in the form of a series of arbitrary lists.

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People, Who Are Kept Anonymous:

1. Learn to smile more often. You're so beautiful when you smile.
2. I cannot trust you anymore and that breaks my heart.
3. I miss you more than I can describe, which sucks because I'm supposed to be a writer and have the ability to verbalize my emotions.
4. I pretty much depend on you. Don't ever let me me down, please.
5. Goddamn, you annoy me. You don't even know how much you annoy me. Please improve yourself.
6. Don't be scared to ask for anything. Life's too hard to handle it alone.
7. Stop taking things so seriously.
8. Work harder. Things aren't given to you, you give them to yourself.
9. I can't help but continue to be beguiled by your presence and it's rather troublesome.
10. Why are you still here? Seriously, why?

Nine Random Things About Myself:

1. I finally have discovered what I want in life and will do whatever it takes to get it.
2. My temper is quite short and I aim below the belt. Rarely am I sympathetic about it.
3. I want to expose myself to many styles of writing and literature.
4. I want to learn ballroom and swing dancing, jazz trumpet, string bass, how to execute 1-tempi flying changes, have a stable, passionate relationship, and French braid my own hair.
5. I scare really easily. By that, I mean the whole surprise, make-me-jump kind of scare.
6. My family and friends mean the world to me. They can annoy me at times, but I love them completely and will do anything for them.
7. Grammatical errors irritate the hell out of me. Spelling errors not so much.
8. I like jewelry a lot and I am pretty shameless about my love for jewelry. I'm not like Elizabeth Taylor, but when I go to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History and see the jewels, I drool a little bit.
9. I love the rain. And thunderstorms.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:

1. I like surprises. A lot. Even if it's small. Like, "Hey, I knew you would be here and just wanted to kiss your cheek" or something. I know, it's rather shameful that I like the cutesy shit but dammit I miss that.
2. Play with my hair. I've threatened, and greatly desired, to completely shave it off because it's such a nuisance. Apparently, my father and several of my friends would murder me if I did, so I guess I won't. But seriously, appreciate the maintenance I put it through, little though it is, and lightly scratch my scalp. It feels wonderful.
3. Be ready to play with animals. I was raised in a household full of pets and love all animals, save for FUCKING SPIDERS.
4. Also, be ready to kill the spiders on walls. I am terrified of spiders to the point of immobility. It's just sad.
5. Be confident, decisive, diligent, and respectful. Respect the fact that I need space sometimes but also that I like a fair amount of shared time. I love cuddling and just being together, but there are times where I really need to just be alone, sometimes for a long time.
6. Appreciate music, especially the fact that I am a musician myself. You may not play the French horn, but I do and it has been an integral part of my life.
7. A fair amount of classic cultural affluence will go a very long way with me. I love the arts, and I feel that they should be respected. Reading many books is important.
8. Hold me against your heart when I have nightmares. I find it's somehow the safest place.

Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot:

1. I'm quite parched
2. He's cute
3. Oh my fucking God stop talking
4. Slow people need to move out of my way
5. That would be funny to write about
6. My hair's a disaster
7. I'm awesome

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:

1. Prep for the next day
2. Wash my face
3. Check email one last time
4. Pee
5. Brush and floss teeth
6. Fluff pillows

Five People Who Mean A Lot To Me, In No Particular Order:

1. Mom
2. My little sister
3. Dad
4. Grandpa
5. Five friends who know who they are

Four Things I'm Wearing Right Now:

1. Peace-sign bra
2. Matching boy shorts
3. White cami
4. Pajama Pants

Three Songs I Listen To Often:

1. Anything by: The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Queen, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, etc.
2. Spa music to relax
3. Boccherini's String Quintet in E Major Op. 13/5 - Minuet in A Major

Two Things I Want to Accomplish Before I Die:
1. Publish a bestselling novel
2. Live in New York City and be totally awesome and fabulous

One Confession:

1. I never thought a person would come along in my life that forever change my perception of the human experience, melodramatic though that sounds. That person has come along and I cannot forget them, even though the healthy and smart thing to do would be to cut them out of my life. I'm too stubborn to so, which is illogical and frustrating.

Well, that seemed to help a little bit.

XOXO,
~M