Operation Self-Help, Book Two

Title: Become Your Own Matchmaker
Author: Patti Stanger
Copyright 2009
Atria Books, New York, NY
Dedication: "I dedicate this book to single women everywhere. If you take one thing away from my book, know this: if you want him he's out there."
Target Audience: successful, single women everywhere...or the US, whichever. Oh, and you have to be marriage-minded
Author's Credentials: third-generation matchmaker, founder and president of the Millionaire's Club, star and co-executive producer of The Millionaire Matchmaker
Verdict: Insightful at times, platitudinous at many

Now, I have recently watched two episodes of her show and I have to tell you that, at least on the small screen, she doesn't cater to every woman. Rather, she introduces these men with money in Los Angeles to women who are teensy, beautiful, and with just enough brains to sustain a decent conversation. Their common trait is that they are all objects of traditional feminine roles who want to raise a family. Her male clients are heavy-hitters and constantly demand perfection, even though she repeats that there's no such thing as perfection. That's the show; I'm here to discuss her book.

This book took me about a day to read, including the list-making exercises. Broken into eight chapters, Stanger offers eight steps (see what she did there? Clever) to finding that perfect man, provided you have marriage on the brain. Perhaps as a 21-year-old, this is a book that I shouldn't have read but I grabbed it and I committed to it; funny how easily I commit to books. She claims that in the span of one year, you should be able to attract a man, date a man, become monogamous with him, and negotiate a ring. That may be easy for glitzy people but some of us are going to take a little time. So yes, she's got a certain bias towards wealthy, older women and not college seniors.

However, the first half of the workshop proved to be rather insightful. Following a nasty breakup/relationship trauma/epiphany, Stanger says that you are to take thirty to ninety days for a Dating Detox. Basically, this is the time to focus completely on yourself in all facets of life. Eat, watch, do exactly what you'd like to do. Let go of the past and say, "Fuck it, I start with me." I can't change the simple fact that Flyboy, or Cap'n Ahab as I've now been calling him, has chosen a whale to fuck; I can change how I feel about it. Instead of wondering just what the fuck I did to deserve the heartache, I selfishly relish in the fact that there's going to be someone miles above him. It's like How I Met Your Mother: the love of my life is coming my way as fast as possible. Force yourself to be happy: every day, write down ten things that make you supremely happy and constantly go back to them. Or read The Book of Awesome and Stuff White People Like. Exercise, eat well, smile a lot, and just radiate in yourself. Analyze the best and worst traits of the guys in your past, recognize that they taught you at least something, and just focus on their positive attributes. Chances are, a pattern formed in your past.

Next, recognize your flaws and strengths, both on the inside and outside. Apparently, a really good strategy is to take your best straight guy friend out shopping for clothes that will make you guy-sexy. I have yet to try this but I know that I've done the reverse to guys and it's fun. Anyway, sexy is as sexy does.

Once you've become the femme fatale, go out to meet the men. Once you meet them, don't play games. Actually, that's something I've never understood about either sex: why do we insist on mind-fucking each other? We never tell each other flat-out what's wrong, ever. I have tried to be forthright with guys but for some reason, they worry that they'll "hurt my feelings." I pray that direct discussion will develop in the near future. But I digress.

The rest of the book discusses what to do in a new relationship. Don't move in, don't pay for anything until monogamy has been agreed upon, don't fuck until monogamy either, calmly negotiate a ring, and above all know what you want and stick by it. All things that you've heard before, I know.

Like I said, the first half was helpful, even though it was once again common sense. I especially liked the bit about where to find future husbands (I'll be avoiding the cigar bars and singles' vacations for sure). If I were to go to any of those locations, I'd seriously have to fight the urge to narrate my progress in a British accent, like on a nature show about jaguars or something.

Also, according to the cover photo, if a woman wore a white business suit with no blouse, she'll be sexy. But maybe that's just because her tits are about to pop out and hit people in the face.

XOXO
~M