A Supposed Hipster Doing Hipser Things

This past semester, I was accused of being a hipster, which I took rather offensively.  At first.  As I sat in the Pentagon City Mall Apple Store, waiting oh-so-patiently for my Genius to assist me (my Macbook, which was purchased in 2008, needed a new battery and software upgrade), I started to reflect on all of the reasons that could categorize me as a hipster.

Now, hipsters generally wear attire purchased from Urban Outfitters and American Apparel and I'm going to be completely honest: there is no way in hell I can afford to shop there.  My 38D cup bras need to be purchased at Kohls, Ross, Marshalls, and Victoria's Secret (the latter happens only during the semi-annual sale, which was going on today so yay me!  I have a new bra that I simply could not do without).  Hipsters are also, by definition, embraces counter culture, a term that arose from sociological thought during the 1960s, in which the youth of that era rejected the McCarthyism je nai sais quoi and gave today's Western culture certain gems like the sexual revolution, Malcom X, and the Stonewall riots.  However, today's hipsters are mere blends of fashion, eccentric literature, and, as a former classmate can attest to, "never setting foot into a fucking Walmart."

Because, you know, it's too mainstream.

Without further ado, the reasons that one could argue my being a hipster:

1. I use a Macbook laptop that was purchased in May 2008, in preparation for my freshman year.  Yeah, that's the laptop that I took to Pentagon City Mall today.  Perhaps, all those four years ago, I should have invested in a different computer that could run a Windows operating system but I like it a lot and plan on using it for at least three more years.
2. My iPod is a first edition 30 gigabyte iPod Video that was purchased in August 2007.  It still works, but barely.  See, my parents collection of vinyl records and cassettes have stood the test of time, whereas this piece of shit is holding on for dear life.  And of course there isn't nearly enough storage on it to hold all of my music, which may or may not be considered eccentric.
3. I have an unshakable caffeine addiction.  I still have a thing for Diet Dr. Pepper and drink it a lot.  Now, with a Kuerig machine and a virtually unlimited supply of K cups (where the coffee is stored), I practically am on an IV drip of coffee.  My teeth are going to be yellow soon if I don't get this under control.
4. I just graduated with a BA in English.  Specifically, with the creative writing option.  I carry around a small notebook and write down pretty much anything of interest because that's what Jack Kerouac used to do.  My diploma might as well read, "I majored in something of little use, unless being a pretentious twat is useful now."  I guess, in a way, it does; the fact that I am now getting an MA is further cementing this fact.
5. If I was ever caught eating at D2 at Virginia Tech, I was almost certainly eating the vegan food: cous cous, hummus and pita bread, and sweet potato fries.  While the other deep-fried options were delicious in their own right, there was something magical about this food.  It's incredibly delectable and boasts being good for you.  I cannot argue with that logic.
6. I, on occasion, will watch an indie film...and love it.  Oh come on!  Sometimes, even the best of us want to get on our Netflix Instant cue and watch something completely different.
7. I have dabbled in playwriting, which has been considered by many to be the highest form of creative writing.  And, as it turns out, I'm quite good at it.
8. I fucking love The Cellar.  There's this little bar in Blacksburg called The Cellar and it is truly a wonderful place.  Two dollar Luck-of-the-Draw, Hammer Time, and live music are among the attractions to this haven for other hipsters.
9. Drinking wine and microbrews is such a fantastic activity.  And not that Barefoot shit, either.  If I haven't had it but it has a similar flavor profile to something that I have tried and enjoyed, I'll give it a try.  Always have to try new things and all.
10. I still have never seen The Notebook.  I consider this an accomplishment.
11. I distress my own jeans.  This whole fashion phenomenon of purposefully buying denim jeans that already have holes and frays in them is beyond me.  It's so much more cost effective to buy a pair of $40 jeans and wear them for years, letting them get their own, special holes and frays.
12. Cult movies are pretty badass.  This requires zero explanation.
13. Apparently, playing the French horn is rather obscure.  Or so I've been told.  I'll never really be able to grasp the fact that initially, many bandsmen and -women are converted from a different brass instrument to the horn, not following my path of starting to play the instrument at age 10.
14. I have expressed a desire to shave my own head.  That's pretty counter culture.  It's important to note that this was expressed during a summer when I had rather long hair and I was more than irritated about a constant sweaty scalp.  It wasn't ever intended to "make a statement;" I was just fucking hot.
15. I no longer enjoy going to house parties, nor do I enjoy going to incredibly douchey bars.  Yeah, I went to house parties before, but who doesn't in their freshman year?  And I really cannot stand going to a bar where the music is so loud that you cannot hear your own thoughts. 
16. I enjoy reading weird, obscure books that you've probably never heard of. Unless you happen to be a student from another MA English program and have an even more eccentric literary taste than I do, I can guarantee that you wouldn't have heard some of the books on my bookshelf.  However, if you are interested in something I've got and the feeling is mutual, I'd love to bookswap!
17. I never purchased rain boots:

 or the mockery of actual riding boots that are:


Perhaps, after going over these small fact, it can be argued that I'm among the class known as the hipsters.  But, I would like to point out other little facts that counter these:

1. I absolutely love shopping at Walmart; Whole Foods pisses me the hell off.  When you're relatively low on funds and trying to feed and clothe yourself, you've got to go for the bargains.  Sure, Whole Foods might be healthier, but that organic avocado is $4.99.  Kiss my ass.
2. I also have been known to read mainstream works of fiction and trashy romance novels, most recently the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.  And I thoroughly enjoying getting lost in genre fiction.
3. I cannot throw a frisbee.  Don't bother trying to teach me.  It's a skill that I have tried to grasp my entire life.
4. I don't ride my bike everywhere.  This is mostly because I cannot bike the distance between the co-op and the internship.
5. The smell of marijuana is nauseating to me.  This is not just a comment about the hipster lifestyle, OK?  Many different people indulge in this substance, which is completely fine.  I just think it smells horrendous.
6. I don't scoff at school spirit.  In fact, I embrace it thoroughly.
7. I love being a tourist from time to time.  Example: I am going to Baltimore to celebrate the Sailabration.  Look it up. 
8. Despite my eccentric taste in music, I'll still shamelessly shake my ass to music that everyone knows about.  Sometimes, it's fun to conform.
9. I'm not perpetually rail thin, nor can I actually afford to eat scones on a daily basis.
10. I watch football and act like a hooligan when I do it.  I've noticed that hipster girls tend to be insanely thin, yet eat tons of pastries.  I'm not thin by any stretch of the imagination (as PhD said, "You have the body of Christina Hendricks") but I try to watch my figure.  I can't do that if I follow their suit and cram croissants into my gullet.
11. I also watch actual TV, and enjoy it.  Everyone watches HIMYM, Say Yes to the Dress, The Big Bang Theory, and Family Guy, and I happily join in.
12. I keep my hair in a normal hairstyle.  I get my roots touched up but other than that, it stays blonde, medium-to-long in length, and groomed. 
13. I'm trying to be a professional, technical writer in the corporate world.  This cannot be accomplished if I gauge my ears and use my body to make statements against the governmental, corporate regime.
14. I find the government to be something amusing at times, frustrating at others, yet I don't wish to completely overthrow it.  Kind of like John Stewart, except that I can never even dream of being as brilliant as he is.
15. I read women's magazines without regret.  I dare you to take Cosmopolitan away from me.  Also, one of my tweets was in the June issue!
16.  I don't own a single plaid garment and the only flannel I own is in bedsheet form.  I've never understood the grunge movement, nor why anyone would want to bring it back to fashion.  My plaid, flannel sheets, though, make for the best sleeps that I've ever had. 
17. I don't own a single plant.  What is it with hipsters and plants?  It's a miracle that I've kept Raphael, my red beta fish, alive.  I'm more of a plant murderer.  I just forget to water them everyday.

You know what?  Why label?  Perhaps it's because we as humans must categorize everything around us.  Now, to watch The Phantom of the Opera and eat pasta.

~M