Suspicions

So recently I've been chatting with this guy I met and he seemed to be really nice. Gentleman qualities, mostly. But things took a turn to the worst when he started asking me really personal questions. Like, will you ever cheat on me? How many kids do you want? Do you want to get married in the near future (yeah, near. As in next year)? How many people have you slept with? Can I count on you to wipe my ass when I fuck up?

That last one was fake but still. You get the idea.

Where in the world do people think they can ask these things before they actually do anything? We're not friends, we're just getting to know each other and it's like he wants a complete background check. Seriously, a sense of decency and decorum is, at least I thought it was, a requirement. What the hell happened to romance and manners? Hell, I have expected him to ask my weight at that point. But really, it's absolutely ridiculous.

He hasn't made any impact on me except to annoy the ever-living shit out of me so I haven't even thought of a good pseudonym for him, except Mr. Clingy so I'm going with that. All I know is that he bombards me with texts and IMs, asking me where I am or why I haven't talked to him in this exact hour. Last I checked, women were supposed to be the clingy ones, not men. Why is this guy asking me all these things right off the bat? What right does he have? None. Take a girl out for Taco Bell at the very least before asking her dating history. I mean, really.

And who wants to know that history anyway? Why ask? Let's be honest: we all compare our current lovers to our past ones. They all had good and bad qualities: how long you stayed with them is a testament to see which bad qualities you can put up with the longest. And if you yourself compare Mr./Mrs. Right Now to Mr./Mrs. Back Then, chances are they're doing the same thing. You just have to hope that if you stick around with Right Now long enough, they'll eventually forget Back Then. If not forget, then at least hope their memory is dulled a bit.

Honestly, the only history you need ever to know is: have you ever been convicted of a felony? Or if they have the herpes, AIDS, etc. That's it. You don't need to know that Girl in Freshman Year was the best kisser ever. You don't need to know that she learned that particular trick from an ex rather than a magazine like she told you. What matters is the present. They're with you now. Enjoy it while it lasts before something inevitably screws it up.

Anyway, since this post I have ceased speaking with Mr. Clingy. Yes, it's great that he wants a girlfriend. That's fine. Just don't expect her to reveal everything right at the very beginning. Or ever. Some secrets are meant to stay that way. Couples who share everything...well more power to them. Seriously wish they'd reveal that little secret because the concept of over-sharing will always baffle me.

~M