So I just got back from the 5:30 PM Christmas Eve Mass (Catholic family still goes faithfully to church) and I have since dubbed this particular service The Brat Mass. Why do I say this? Every person who normally doesn't attend Mass on a regular basis, myself included, crowds into a relatively small church, barely taking note of this thing called Personal Space, and attempts to look somber and serene while everyone's small children shriek and whine. Bare in mind that most of these children have not seen a church and are probably hopped up on sugar thanks to the Christmas cookies they've been shoving in their snot-nosed faces.
Yes, I do not like children and possess the nurturing skills of a burying beetle (they eat their young. Read about it: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/05/photogalleries/mothers-day-worst-animal-moms-pictures/#/carrion-beetle_4335_600x450.jpg).
I just don't understand these happy couples who insist on reproducing and having these little brats and then moon all over them because "Billy has his mother's eyes and his father's chin," or some other tripe. You sacrifice everything for this spitty, snotty, sticky flesh-hound (seriously, touch a toddler. I don't know what they are covered in, but it is always sticky and vile) who is loud, obnoxious, abrasive, and throws things. Honestly, one might as well own a pet monkey.
Why have kids when you can have Manolo Blahniks? All of your dreams and goals go out the window when there's a child added to your responsibility. Just saying.
XOXO
~M
PS - Babies...just suck. In general. That is all.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Lucky Enough
Every woman, including myself, is lucky in her own special way. That is probably the corniest thing I have ever written but regardless, I'm going to go with it.
Since December hit us all, and the wind made me momentarily forget I have a face, I've been spending quite some time mulling over what all I have had in the past that I find to be shining moments of beauty. Every woman in the 21st century should consider herself lucky if:
XOXO
~M
Since December hit us all, and the wind made me momentarily forget I have a face, I've been spending quite some time mulling over what all I have had in the past that I find to be shining moments of beauty. Every woman in the 21st century should consider herself lucky if:
- She has had roses delivered to her door. My specific incident occurred on Christmas Eve, the day after I had my wisdom teeth pulled. I remember reading The Other Boleyn Girl and sipping on an orange sherbet smoothie when they arrived. A dozen white roses, some red carnations, and the ever present baby's breath, accompanied with a card from the man who purchased them. He was of few words but still, the gesture was sweet, if overwhelming. Or maybe that was the Vicodin...we'll never know.
- She has ever been kissed on the forehead. I don't know, there's something so damn sweet about this small gesture. It's small but always speaks volumes and it makes a woman swoon.
- She's ever been asked to simply listen. We are guarded individuals and if anyone, friend, lover, relative, asks you to just sit and listen to them, you have been given a special honor. They trust you enough to hear their fears, their desires, and to really see underneath the wall.
- She's ever laughed with her friends, male or female, until she cried. No one looks good laughing, especially the kind of laughter that when you're done, you feel like you've had an incredible workout. After someone sees you in that state and still calls you their friend, you've got a winner.
- She's ever had French nonsense (say, "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away"?) whispered in her ear. Hand it to the French for having the sexiest language EVER.
- She hears the words, "I love you," not after something sweet and romantic but silly and ridiculous. Call me a sentimentalist, but I'd much rather hear those words after falling off a trampoline or something. That's real, not a candlelit dinner or something equally cliched.
XOXO
~M
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
'Tis the Season
To get just a little ridiculous. With the chilly weather, the snow, and the darkness coming at 5 PM, there can only mean one thing: Christmas is coming. That means that couples everywhere are snuggling up to each other, packing on a slight pudge of hibernation weight because who are they out to impress? More importantly, they are more than likely stressing as to what to get their significant other.
There's a fool-proof way to do this, ladies and gentlemen. Be blunt about what you want.
Us girls have a pretty bad habit of trying to make men have some sense of divine intuition and magically know what we want for Christmas. News flash: they don't have a clue. If you don't tell him, he'll go to the nearest Bath and Body Works and get the Estrogen Hat Trick: lotion, spray, and a candle all in the same signature scent placed strategically in a basket wrapped up and tied in a bow. Nice? Yes. Tacky and thoughtless? Only if you weren't straight with him.
Don't ever say you want jewelry because that is simply pretentious and rude, no matter how true it is. The only women who get jewelry at Christmas are the ones that are either on the verge of getting married or already are and their husband has a pretty steady income to afford a diamond pendant.
Gauge where you are in the relationship first. Less than a year, get each other something thoughtful but not break-your-bank expensive. If the man had a small childhood passion for Legos, buy him a new set; he'll be entertained for hours. If the lady in question has a love of classic literature, buy her a copy of War and Peace; she will be too busy navigating Tolstoy's masterpiece to notice that it's January and you still haven't packed away the Christmas crap. Thoughtful, meaningful, inexpensive is the way to go and yes, it is a fine line. Too extravagant and it turns the gift into an uncomfortable awareness of how much less you spent. Too plain, dull, or cheap-looking and you're reminded of how little time they spent on it.
I say, the sillier the better. Personally, if a paramour wanted to make me the happiest person alive during the Christmas season, we'd spend the morning sipping mimosas, then he'd take me to a karaoke bar and we'd do a duet to "The Dirty Glass," exchange warm gifts of whatever (in my case, a really good, really long book), and call it a day.
We've blown this holiday so out of proportion but I'm going to refrain from preaching about how this holiday is about appreciating what you have and all. It's true, though. If the man you're with can tolerate the seven pounds you are statistically likely to gain over the holidays, count your blessings because he'll be a keeper for life.
XOXO
~M
There's a fool-proof way to do this, ladies and gentlemen. Be blunt about what you want.
Us girls have a pretty bad habit of trying to make men have some sense of divine intuition and magically know what we want for Christmas. News flash: they don't have a clue. If you don't tell him, he'll go to the nearest Bath and Body Works and get the Estrogen Hat Trick: lotion, spray, and a candle all in the same signature scent placed strategically in a basket wrapped up and tied in a bow. Nice? Yes. Tacky and thoughtless? Only if you weren't straight with him.
Don't ever say you want jewelry because that is simply pretentious and rude, no matter how true it is. The only women who get jewelry at Christmas are the ones that are either on the verge of getting married or already are and their husband has a pretty steady income to afford a diamond pendant.
Gauge where you are in the relationship first. Less than a year, get each other something thoughtful but not break-your-bank expensive. If the man had a small childhood passion for Legos, buy him a new set; he'll be entertained for hours. If the lady in question has a love of classic literature, buy her a copy of War and Peace; she will be too busy navigating Tolstoy's masterpiece to notice that it's January and you still haven't packed away the Christmas crap. Thoughtful, meaningful, inexpensive is the way to go and yes, it is a fine line. Too extravagant and it turns the gift into an uncomfortable awareness of how much less you spent. Too plain, dull, or cheap-looking and you're reminded of how little time they spent on it.
I say, the sillier the better. Personally, if a paramour wanted to make me the happiest person alive during the Christmas season, we'd spend the morning sipping mimosas, then he'd take me to a karaoke bar and we'd do a duet to "The Dirty Glass," exchange warm gifts of whatever (in my case, a really good, really long book), and call it a day.
We've blown this holiday so out of proportion but I'm going to refrain from preaching about how this holiday is about appreciating what you have and all. It's true, though. If the man you're with can tolerate the seven pounds you are statistically likely to gain over the holidays, count your blessings because he'll be a keeper for life.
XOXO
~M
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Further Relationship Commentary
Cosmopolitan proves to be, time and time again, a goldmine of information concerning how to have the best relationship ever. I have decided to comment on their article, "The 13 Best Relationship Tips Ever." I have provided the article in full and everything in bold and in brackets from here on out is my commentary.
1. Act Out of Character
Couples develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern and act against type — in a positive way — you inject new life into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry at your guy when he doesn't follow through on some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, more friendly tone, then thank him when he does a good job. It works every time.
—Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia
["Doesn't follow through on some chore." How about not being his mother and telling him to do chores? If he has chosen to live in a not-so-spotless habitat, deal with it. You're dating him, aren't you? And if you can't handle the degree of filth in his kitchen or his bathroom, clean it yourself. Then show him what spray bottles are, explain the difference between Windex and Pledge, wait it out another month and if he doesn't do it again, consider hiring a Mexican maid.]
2. Get in Touch a Lot
No doubt you hug and kiss each other hello and maybe snuggle a little after having sex. But simple acts like stroking his arm while you're watching TV, taking his hand when you're walking down the street, or fondling his thigh during dinner are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level.
—Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of Emotional Fitness for Couples
[If anyone were to try and hold my hand while I was driving, we might die. Perhaps that's because I drive stick shift but still. I mean, I guess this is reasonable but in certain circumstances, I do not want to be anywhere near anyone.]
3. Don't Be BFFs
Being pals with your man is great in theory. But that kind of connection actually can kill your sex life. You could wind up having a roommatelike bond with each other rather than a hot one if you let yourself lose track of the masculine-feminine tension that excited you at the beginning of your relationship. Save the gab sessions for when you hang out with your girlfriends and your sexy energy for connecting with your guy.
—Lana Holstein, MD, director of sexuality and vitality programs for couples at Miraval Resort in Catalina, Arizona
[I agree wholeheartedly. Minimal discussion. Almost zero talking. Good plan.]
4. Enjoy a Steady Diet of Sex
If you want to maintain closeness with your man, get out of your head and into bed. Guys feel more comfortable connecting with women on a physical level, not engaging in deep discussions. To strengthen your bond, approach your lust life as you would your gym regimen or your diet — make it part of your routine. Set a goal to have sex at least a couple times a week.
—Toni Coleman
[Make sex part of your routine. OK, I do yoga every day, so I should have sex every day when I'm in a relationship. People have to set goals to bang? Really? I was always under the impression that if the physical chemistry is initially there, clothes-ripping was something that was desired on a nearly constant basis. The moment someone has to pencil in sex is the moment where the sexuality has killed itself. Don't plan on it. Just do it *swoosh*]
5. Take Turns Talking
To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on your mind during a disagreement — and get your points across — alternate playing reflective therapist, where one listens while the other talks.
—Psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Opening Love's Door
[Unless of course either party has that relentlessly annoying habit of not saying anything. Then this shit doesn't work at all. Walking out and not speaking for days on end works better.]
6. Find the Intersection
When making decisions together, try to find common ground. You each should write down exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacay in San Francisco to see the sights and hit up the cool shops and restaurants, while he wants a tropical getaway where he can veg out by the pool and sip drinks with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool city, a little sun...how about Miami?
—Paul Dobransky, MD, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love
[If any guy is sipping a drink with an umbrella in the glass, he's my new gay best friend. Yes, that's stereotypical but any man knows that he is going to be hard core judged with that comical nonsense going on in the glass.]
7. Be More Positive Than Negative
There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file an angry complaint. Sandwich your negative comment between two positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like "You know, I love that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy I adore and also be on time."
—Los Angeles psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD
[Or leave when he's late? Don't wait around; life's way too damn short.]
8. Echo Each Other
When you and your man are having a serious relationship talk, it's easy to get so caught up in how you want to respond that you're not really listening to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've been heard and you feel understood.
—Yvonne Thomas
[Perhaps it's because I have really good comprehension but I feel if I am parroted, I'd get way more annoyed than I originally was. "Serious relationship talks" scare me just as much as they scare men. The only serious talk anyone should have starts with, "I'm late."]
9. Grow Your Tolerance
Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love his passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room.
—Denver psychologist Jennifer Oikle, PhD, dating coach for Coupling Connection
[If he's shy around your friends or acquaintances, be a good person and introduce. Duh.]
10. Take a Time-Out
It's important that you get a break from the daily grind and spend alone time as a couple — cell phones and the Internet are off-limits. It can be a fun day trip or just a few quiet hours to yourselves. The point is simply to steal away (even if you're going nowhere) so you can reconnect, free of any distractions.
—Diana Kirschner
[You have the nights, why do you need the days? There was a time where I wanted to spend so much time with my boyfriend that I practically lost my personal identity. Now, I've gotten to the point where more than two hours is enough. Am I scared? Yes, and I'm adult enough to admit to that fact. It's so important to be solitaire, even in a relationship.]
11. Have His Back
You might not agree with your guy when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on his side...and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that you'll support him no matter what.
—New York City psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD
[Disagreements add discourse to the relationship. Plain and simple.]
12. Spend a Little Money on Each Other
You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun-and meaningful — when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get — and think about — each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a pair of pajamas in your favorite color.
—Barton Goldsmith
[A guy doesn't even have to go this far. If he procures a Diet Coke for me, I'm perfectly content. He carried around an emasculating drink for me? So sweet.]
13. Be a Good Date
Face it, no one can stay fascinating forever. After being together for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off the hook — if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting date idea every month. Keep the time and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box — dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat.
—Jennifer Oikle
[This requires doing research on both ends. Showing surprise and being unpredictable is always fun.]
OK, it's just me now. No more Cosmo. Most of this is common sense, so why they waste their time and ink is beyond me. And sometimes, they have this annoying habit of telling women to act bubbly, cheerful, and content in their relationships, like we're still stuck in the 50's. Has it ever occurred to them that if you don't like something, you can walk away? Not for every problem, because then the human race would die out. But once the problems accumulate to a point where it's simply intolerable, whether it's trust issues, lack of passion and motivation, not being clean, or whatever, you can just walk away from it and do better things.
Which probably explains why I'm single: I have crazy high expectations. Oh well, I'm happy with them.
~M
1. Act Out of Character
Couples develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern and act against type — in a positive way — you inject new life into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry at your guy when he doesn't follow through on some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, more friendly tone, then thank him when he does a good job. It works every time.
—Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia
["Doesn't follow through on some chore." How about not being his mother and telling him to do chores? If he has chosen to live in a not-so-spotless habitat, deal with it. You're dating him, aren't you? And if you can't handle the degree of filth in his kitchen or his bathroom, clean it yourself. Then show him what spray bottles are, explain the difference between Windex and Pledge, wait it out another month and if he doesn't do it again, consider hiring a Mexican maid.]
2. Get in Touch a Lot
No doubt you hug and kiss each other hello and maybe snuggle a little after having sex. But simple acts like stroking his arm while you're watching TV, taking his hand when you're walking down the street, or fondling his thigh during dinner are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level.
—Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of Emotional Fitness for Couples
[If anyone were to try and hold my hand while I was driving, we might die. Perhaps that's because I drive stick shift but still. I mean, I guess this is reasonable but in certain circumstances, I do not want to be anywhere near anyone.]
3. Don't Be BFFs
Being pals with your man is great in theory. But that kind of connection actually can kill your sex life. You could wind up having a roommatelike bond with each other rather than a hot one if you let yourself lose track of the masculine-feminine tension that excited you at the beginning of your relationship. Save the gab sessions for when you hang out with your girlfriends and your sexy energy for connecting with your guy.
—Lana Holstein, MD, director of sexuality and vitality programs for couples at Miraval Resort in Catalina, Arizona
[I agree wholeheartedly. Minimal discussion. Almost zero talking. Good plan.]
4. Enjoy a Steady Diet of Sex
If you want to maintain closeness with your man, get out of your head and into bed. Guys feel more comfortable connecting with women on a physical level, not engaging in deep discussions. To strengthen your bond, approach your lust life as you would your gym regimen or your diet — make it part of your routine. Set a goal to have sex at least a couple times a week.
—Toni Coleman
[Make sex part of your routine. OK, I do yoga every day, so I should have sex every day when I'm in a relationship. People have to set goals to bang? Really? I was always under the impression that if the physical chemistry is initially there, clothes-ripping was something that was desired on a nearly constant basis. The moment someone has to pencil in sex is the moment where the sexuality has killed itself. Don't plan on it. Just do it *swoosh*]
5. Take Turns Talking
To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on your mind during a disagreement — and get your points across — alternate playing reflective therapist, where one listens while the other talks.
—Psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Opening Love's Door
[Unless of course either party has that relentlessly annoying habit of not saying anything. Then this shit doesn't work at all. Walking out and not speaking for days on end works better.]
6. Find the Intersection
When making decisions together, try to find common ground. You each should write down exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacay in San Francisco to see the sights and hit up the cool shops and restaurants, while he wants a tropical getaway where he can veg out by the pool and sip drinks with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool city, a little sun...how about Miami?
—Paul Dobransky, MD, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love
[If any guy is sipping a drink with an umbrella in the glass, he's my new gay best friend. Yes, that's stereotypical but any man knows that he is going to be hard core judged with that comical nonsense going on in the glass.]
7. Be More Positive Than Negative
There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file an angry complaint. Sandwich your negative comment between two positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like "You know, I love that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy I adore and also be on time."
—Los Angeles psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD
[Or leave when he's late? Don't wait around; life's way too damn short.]
8. Echo Each Other
When you and your man are having a serious relationship talk, it's easy to get so caught up in how you want to respond that you're not really listening to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've been heard and you feel understood.
—Yvonne Thomas
[Perhaps it's because I have really good comprehension but I feel if I am parroted, I'd get way more annoyed than I originally was. "Serious relationship talks" scare me just as much as they scare men. The only serious talk anyone should have starts with, "I'm late."]
9. Grow Your Tolerance
Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love his passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room.
—Denver psychologist Jennifer Oikle, PhD, dating coach for Coupling Connection
[If he's shy around your friends or acquaintances, be a good person and introduce. Duh.]
10. Take a Time-Out
It's important that you get a break from the daily grind and spend alone time as a couple — cell phones and the Internet are off-limits. It can be a fun day trip or just a few quiet hours to yourselves. The point is simply to steal away (even if you're going nowhere) so you can reconnect, free of any distractions.
—Diana Kirschner
[You have the nights, why do you need the days? There was a time where I wanted to spend so much time with my boyfriend that I practically lost my personal identity. Now, I've gotten to the point where more than two hours is enough. Am I scared? Yes, and I'm adult enough to admit to that fact. It's so important to be solitaire, even in a relationship.]
11. Have His Back
You might not agree with your guy when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on his side...and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that you'll support him no matter what.
—New York City psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD
[Disagreements add discourse to the relationship. Plain and simple.]
12. Spend a Little Money on Each Other
You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun-and meaningful — when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get — and think about — each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a pair of pajamas in your favorite color.
—Barton Goldsmith
[A guy doesn't even have to go this far. If he procures a Diet Coke for me, I'm perfectly content. He carried around an emasculating drink for me? So sweet.]
13. Be a Good Date
Face it, no one can stay fascinating forever. After being together for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off the hook — if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting date idea every month. Keep the time and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box — dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat.
—Jennifer Oikle
[This requires doing research on both ends. Showing surprise and being unpredictable is always fun.]
OK, it's just me now. No more Cosmo. Most of this is common sense, so why they waste their time and ink is beyond me. And sometimes, they have this annoying habit of telling women to act bubbly, cheerful, and content in their relationships, like we're still stuck in the 50's. Has it ever occurred to them that if you don't like something, you can walk away? Not for every problem, because then the human race would die out. But once the problems accumulate to a point where it's simply intolerable, whether it's trust issues, lack of passion and motivation, not being clean, or whatever, you can just walk away from it and do better things.
Which probably explains why I'm single: I have crazy high expectations. Oh well, I'm happy with them.
~M
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Random Stupid Survey
You know, because I'm not judging anyone right now haha.
Do you mind explaining things to children? I mean I don't like children at all.
How many times a day do you go to the bathroom? I don't count. That's weird.
Can you neatly write with your opposite hand? Not at all.
Do you prefer chicken, beef, pork, or tofu? Chicken.
What are you doing besides this survey? watching Futurama, talking to people.
Do you have a clock in the room you are sitting in right now? yes
If you were a cow, would you sleep standing up, or lying down? Standing up
If you could go outta town right now where would you be going? Ireland
What is your favorite video game? God of War. Seriously, it's simple, it's bloody, it's violent, it's fantastic!
When did you cry last? approximately two weeks ago, when I got that horrible phone call.
Have you ever played the game MASH? It's only the funnest game ever.
You're gonna get a piercing, where is it? I've got 5. I think I'm good.
How do you feel about your first true love? Oh, high school haha
When you were little, were you totally into Barney? I might have been, but now I'm totally into Barney Stinson.
Do you play games on your cell phone? Nope
Are you an aunt/uncle? Nope!
If you could change one thing about your looks, what would it be? I mean, really?
What kind of magnets are on your fridge? No idea. I don't pay attention.
Who was the last person you had a serious talk with? My little sister
Who do you call when you need comfort? Mom
What movie do you want to see? Jackass 3D
When is the last time you did a puzzle? a week ago
What songs would you put on a cd if you were about to burn one? I have an iPod, in which I make playlists
When did you last go to the gym? At-home yoga
What cable company do you have? NTC
Have you ever played Monopoly, and won? Fuck Monopoly.
How easily do you apologize? I acknowledge mistakes I honestly make but otherwise, no. I will not apologize for certain actions that I take. Deal with it.
Have you taken any medicine lately? Just pain meds
Hottest thing you see right now? My Boondock Saints poster
Does everything happen for a reason? Certainly
What is your favorite online game? ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK
Favorite TV channel? online
Last place you got a hair cut? some place in the mall
Last person you made a bet with? Two really close friends. I might lose this one lol.
Stayed in a hotel lately? in Maryland
What is something you are scared to do? talk to this one person
Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? Mom
Do you have four generations still living in the family? no
Best rib place you've eaten at? this one place in Texas
What is one of your family traditions? watching LOTR over Christmas
Is there anything you always do before you go to bed? read
What goes best with soda? more diet dr pepper
How many lights are on in your house? too many
Wanna get anything off your chest? fuck bitches get money?
What is something you did today? I was given a new nickname that I'm not sure I enjoy but is still very funny.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
The Judgment Hour, Part I
One of my worst traits, aside from biting my nails and worrying about things way too much, is that I can be incredibly judgmental. I'll admit I've been working on it, sort of. You see, there are certain phenomenons that occur in nature that truly astound me.
The Whipped Man
Ladies, what in the world are we doing? I thought we were supposed to be attracted to manly men. You know, the alpha male, Type A personality, independent kind of guy. Why is it that we as women obsess over these guys and then when we finally have the luxury to become a part of their lives romantically, we somehow manage to bend them over backwards so that they'll do practically whatever we say? Is the promise of sex a factor? I highly doubt that, simply because not all relationships have sex as a factor, therefore making sex an obsolete bargaining chip. So what then causes a man to forgo drinks with his bros for a night of foot massages, candles, Enya, and a crying woman? I guess I'll never know.
Does anyone else find this phenomenon to be truly awful? There's a difference between being romantic and being whipped. A romantic offers to help, offers to pay for dinner, surprises you, etc. A whipped man starts out as a romantic but over time, he is simply thrust into situations he probably, or definitely, doesn't want to be in, simply because he fears the wrath of his girlfriend, who has been overexposed to his romance, with the inevitable consequence being he has to go another night with blue balls.
As a woman, I don't get it, so that's saying something. Every time I see a man walking a teeny tiny dog or holding a purse, I want to puke. We are in the 21st century, girls; we should be able to do this shit ourselves and still have the time to continue to be fabulous. We don't need a man to do these things. At all. There's nothing attractive about a man without a spine. They make easy targets for homewreckers: they're more than likely not happy in the relationship but lack the balls to end it. Ergo, they probably cheat with an exceptionally talented manipulator, and it all spirals out of control. Stop whipping men and take care of your own problems. Yes, the toilet is still a foreign concept for me (I can't fix it because in my world, it simply flushes and nothing bad happens) but there's Google to take care of a simple DIY.
I don't expect a man to be in my life constantly. Sure, he should get to know my friends, simply because I want to get to know his friends so that we can be comfortable with both groups. I have my own life and he has his (hopefully) and both require a lot of attention. I'd like for him to want to be a part of my life and I'd like to be a part of his, but just a part. Not the whole sha-BANG. In some cases, I have shared a lot of common interests and activities with former paramours, so it seemed as though we were together all the time. Nowadays, I'm pretty sure I'd want to go at glacial speed in allowing someone else to enter my life because he's got to be worth it and all that shit.
But I digress.
Moral of the story: being whipped is bad. Get out while you still can. Whipping men (figuratively and only if you're into that) is just off-putting. Very off-putting.
~M
The Whipped Man
Ladies, what in the world are we doing? I thought we were supposed to be attracted to manly men. You know, the alpha male, Type A personality, independent kind of guy. Why is it that we as women obsess over these guys and then when we finally have the luxury to become a part of their lives romantically, we somehow manage to bend them over backwards so that they'll do practically whatever we say? Is the promise of sex a factor? I highly doubt that, simply because not all relationships have sex as a factor, therefore making sex an obsolete bargaining chip. So what then causes a man to forgo drinks with his bros for a night of foot massages, candles, Enya, and a crying woman? I guess I'll never know.
Does anyone else find this phenomenon to be truly awful? There's a difference between being romantic and being whipped. A romantic offers to help, offers to pay for dinner, surprises you, etc. A whipped man starts out as a romantic but over time, he is simply thrust into situations he probably, or definitely, doesn't want to be in, simply because he fears the wrath of his girlfriend, who has been overexposed to his romance, with the inevitable consequence being he has to go another night with blue balls.
As a woman, I don't get it, so that's saying something. Every time I see a man walking a teeny tiny dog or holding a purse, I want to puke. We are in the 21st century, girls; we should be able to do this shit ourselves and still have the time to continue to be fabulous. We don't need a man to do these things. At all. There's nothing attractive about a man without a spine. They make easy targets for homewreckers: they're more than likely not happy in the relationship but lack the balls to end it. Ergo, they probably cheat with an exceptionally talented manipulator, and it all spirals out of control. Stop whipping men and take care of your own problems. Yes, the toilet is still a foreign concept for me (I can't fix it because in my world, it simply flushes and nothing bad happens) but there's Google to take care of a simple DIY.
I don't expect a man to be in my life constantly. Sure, he should get to know my friends, simply because I want to get to know his friends so that we can be comfortable with both groups. I have my own life and he has his (hopefully) and both require a lot of attention. I'd like for him to want to be a part of my life and I'd like to be a part of his, but just a part. Not the whole sha-BANG. In some cases, I have shared a lot of common interests and activities with former paramours, so it seemed as though we were together all the time. Nowadays, I'm pretty sure I'd want to go at glacial speed in allowing someone else to enter my life because he's got to be worth it and all that shit.
But I digress.
Moral of the story: being whipped is bad. Get out while you still can. Whipping men (figuratively and only if you're into that) is just off-putting. Very off-putting.
~M
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Random List Time
Twenty-five's a good number. We'll go with that. Random facts, goals, habits, worldly bits of wisdom, and in general nonsensical whims from this kid.
1. To begin, I've learned the perks of being single. Check it: I can go where I want, do what I want, watch Sex and the City and read Cosmopolitan whenever I want, have my room be a complete disaster and not care, not have to argue that the performance by Nicholas Cage in the movie The Rock is any better than any of the other shit he's produced (seriously, the movie should have been Sean Connery being his badass self, no one else needs to help), sing 80's music in my car as loud as I want, and of course eat peanut butter M&M's without being judged.
2. I may say "If you want something, go get it" but lately there's been one thing that I cannot seem to just bite the bullet and go chase. I think about it and people tell me to just go for it but I get really nervous and freeze up.
3. No matter where I go, I want to be near a place that has a giant trampoline.
4. The more fantastical a horror story is, the stupider it is. In all the things in the world, there is nothing more terrifying than the depths of human evil.
5. Before I die, I would like to take a year off of everything, blow all of my life savings, and see the world. All of it. I'd like to go back-packing in Southeast Asia, ride a boat down the Nile River, train a Mongolian war pony, play around in Venice, and then meet an Irish man who owns stallions and race them.
6. I'm not a kid person. I have little patience and am inherently selfish. I am constantly learning and exploring and I don't want to stop that for anyone, let alone a child. I get incredibly frustrated when things aren't perfect the first time around.
7. I love planes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No one else seems to get that. SR-71 is my favorite, followed by the F-18 Blue Angels.
8. I think while there are many ways to live one's life, there are some things that need to remain constant: the Bro/Ho Code, manners, and basic respect for people and their things. FYI: wash dishes when you're done with them.
9. It's pretty sweet to know that no matter how bad your day is going, there is someone out there who is going to make you smile.
10. I have no balance. Seriously. I've fallen down stairs, up stairs, flat on my face, on my ass, and I run into things. Walls, doors, and I definitely body-checked a guy once.
11. The best days are the ones where you wake up and get slightly dressed up just for the hell of it.
12. I cry when I watch LOTR and hear "The Fire of Eternal Glory." Every time.
13. Little known fact: the Cult of Demeter was the basis of today's Greek life. Only women were permitted to participate in the festivities. That's right, world: sororities came first.
14. I want to go to graduate school.
15. There is nothing sexier than a man in either a suit or a uniform. Tying a man's tie is just as sexy as taking it off. Rule of thumb. Also, best suit to wear: black pinstriped.
16. I know that they are full of themselves and know that they're the hottest things ever, but Navy pilots are my kryptonite.
17. I love Hokie football, Olympic swimming, and horse racing. Equestrian sports, in general.
18. A red Corvette will be mine. Even though I want to live in the city.
19. I have recently discovered a love for jazz and am really sad I never played an instrument that is used in jazz.
20. Being able to laugh at yourself is one of the best things ever. The world is cruel and the truly ridiculous are those that find humor in it. It's fun to be silly.
21. The most intimate relationship a person can have is with oneself. The ancient Greeks at Delphi really knew what was up when they coined the phrase "Know thyself."
22. If I were to teach anything, it would be swim lessons on the side, but upper high school to lower college English. I love engineers and math-y types but I swear, reading their writing is a chore.
23. Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture should be required reading for both high school and college students. Read it and find out why.
24. I have actually gotten insulted when someone didn't know the difference between a cami and a tank top. Weirdest quirk EVER.
25. I can always promise one thing to anyone I meet: you will never be bored. I can't say I'll love you, like you, or hate you, but you will never be bored around me. I love to entertain and be entertained.
~M
1. To begin, I've learned the perks of being single. Check it: I can go where I want, do what I want, watch Sex and the City and read Cosmopolitan whenever I want, have my room be a complete disaster and not care, not have to argue that the performance by Nicholas Cage in the movie The Rock is any better than any of the other shit he's produced (seriously, the movie should have been Sean Connery being his badass self, no one else needs to help), sing 80's music in my car as loud as I want, and of course eat peanut butter M&M's without being judged.
2. I may say "If you want something, go get it" but lately there's been one thing that I cannot seem to just bite the bullet and go chase. I think about it and people tell me to just go for it but I get really nervous and freeze up.
3. No matter where I go, I want to be near a place that has a giant trampoline.
4. The more fantastical a horror story is, the stupider it is. In all the things in the world, there is nothing more terrifying than the depths of human evil.
5. Before I die, I would like to take a year off of everything, blow all of my life savings, and see the world. All of it. I'd like to go back-packing in Southeast Asia, ride a boat down the Nile River, train a Mongolian war pony, play around in Venice, and then meet an Irish man who owns stallions and race them.
6. I'm not a kid person. I have little patience and am inherently selfish. I am constantly learning and exploring and I don't want to stop that for anyone, let alone a child. I get incredibly frustrated when things aren't perfect the first time around.
7. I love planes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No one else seems to get that. SR-71 is my favorite, followed by the F-18 Blue Angels.
8. I think while there are many ways to live one's life, there are some things that need to remain constant: the Bro/Ho Code, manners, and basic respect for people and their things. FYI: wash dishes when you're done with them.
9. It's pretty sweet to know that no matter how bad your day is going, there is someone out there who is going to make you smile.
10. I have no balance. Seriously. I've fallen down stairs, up stairs, flat on my face, on my ass, and I run into things. Walls, doors, and I definitely body-checked a guy once.
11. The best days are the ones where you wake up and get slightly dressed up just for the hell of it.
12. I cry when I watch LOTR and hear "The Fire of Eternal Glory." Every time.
13. Little known fact: the Cult of Demeter was the basis of today's Greek life. Only women were permitted to participate in the festivities. That's right, world: sororities came first.
14. I want to go to graduate school.
15. There is nothing sexier than a man in either a suit or a uniform. Tying a man's tie is just as sexy as taking it off. Rule of thumb. Also, best suit to wear: black pinstriped.
16. I know that they are full of themselves and know that they're the hottest things ever, but Navy pilots are my kryptonite.
17. I love Hokie football, Olympic swimming, and horse racing. Equestrian sports, in general.
18. A red Corvette will be mine. Even though I want to live in the city.
19. I have recently discovered a love for jazz and am really sad I never played an instrument that is used in jazz.
20. Being able to laugh at yourself is one of the best things ever. The world is cruel and the truly ridiculous are those that find humor in it. It's fun to be silly.
21. The most intimate relationship a person can have is with oneself. The ancient Greeks at Delphi really knew what was up when they coined the phrase "Know thyself."
22. If I were to teach anything, it would be swim lessons on the side, but upper high school to lower college English. I love engineers and math-y types but I swear, reading their writing is a chore.
23. Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture should be required reading for both high school and college students. Read it and find out why.
24. I have actually gotten insulted when someone didn't know the difference between a cami and a tank top. Weirdest quirk EVER.
25. I can always promise one thing to anyone I meet: you will never be bored. I can't say I'll love you, like you, or hate you, but you will never be bored around me. I love to entertain and be entertained.
~M
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